After class, I study Spanish in my room for a few hours….and by “study Spanish” I mean lip sync to Selena songs while making really sassy faces.
When someone tries to sell you yet another damn flute.
When someone in your house asks if anyone wants the rest of their guacamole.
Watching a soccer game with my host dad.
When you read the Mayan numbers by mistake and give someone a 100Q instead of a 10Q bill.
When you try to buy something using a 100Q bill (because that’s all the ATM will give you), and no one will accept it because they don’t have change.
When you are shocked by the ridicuously high prices at a touristy restaurant, but then realize it’s only, like, US$12.
When your Spanish teacher gets sick of talking to you and pulls out the Scrabble board.
Me when served beans:
Everyone else when served beans:
When your host family turns off the water at night and you really have to poop, but you know you won’t be able to flush until the morning.
Your teacher’s reaction when you tell her about the times you visited the Maximon figure in Santiago de Atitlan:
When you use a word that only exists in Spain, and your teacher is like….
When you mention the name of Japanese director Miyazaki and your host dad thinks you just said that someone peed on you (me miaste).
When your teacher or host mom talks to you or any other student and you understand everything.
When you overhear them talking to other Guatemalans and you can’t understand a single word.
When you’re stuck on a narrow sidewalk behind a group of locals who are moving painfully slow.
When street food looks really tempting but you’re still battling your last stomach bug.
When you foget to put used toilet paper in the trash can, and you accidentally drop it in the toilet instead.
When your Japanese neighbor is leading an aerobics call in Spanish (????) and she keeps shouting “cucaracha!” at the top of her lungs.
When you tell your teacher you went to a bar last night, and she informs you that “bar” in Guatemalan Spanish means “brothel.”
What you imagine your Spanish teacher is thinking when you try to explain the difference between homosexuals and transsexuals to her:
When breakfast is a bowl of papaya.
Any time I say something correctly in the past subjunctive.
When a tourist shows the slightest interest in something being peddled in the Parque Central.
When a street peddler realizes you don’t want to buy his handicrafts and starts listing off all the drugs he can sell you.
When you can instantly identify foreign missionaries by their unfortunate sartorial choices.
When you’re thirsty but have run out of purified water and briefly contemplate drinking from the tap.
What tourists think about visiting Guatemala City.
Visiting Lago Atitlan.
Trying to speak a Mayan language.
When you visit the McDonald’s in Antigua for the first time (which is basically a palace of fast food with a fountain, a garden, and WiFi).
Riding a chicken bus.
So, my fiancé is in Guatemala until next month, and he just made this.